grief

generally the seven stages of grief are as follows:

1. shock & denial - react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.

2. pain & guilt - as the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that people experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. may have guilty feelings or remorse over things they did/didn't do with their loved one. life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. anger & bargaining - frustration gives way to anger, and people may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. people may rail against fate, questioning "why me?" and may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair.

4. "depression", reflection & loneliness - just when friends may think people should be getting on with their lives, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake. this is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders.

5. the upward turn - as people start to adjust to life without their loved one, their life becomes a little calmer and more organized. their physical symptoms lessen, and their "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. reconstruction & working through- become more functional, mind starts working again, and people will find themselves seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without their loved one. they will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing themselves and their life without him or her.

7. acceptance & hope - learn to accept and deal with the reality of their situation. acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. given the pain and turmoil they have experienced, they can never return to the carefree lifestyle before this tragedy.

one of the hardest things ive had to do is watch someone i love grieve. theres nothing you can do but be there for them. watch them suffer and suffer with them. watch them cry and cry with them. watch them learn and learn with them. the other night was a toughy. we stood there together, next to her - friends. in the darkness, next to the row of candles - glowing. we stood there together next to her, crying together - for her and how strong she was.
its an emotional roller coaster.